Dude, you're getting a Dell?!?

I am of the opinion that Dell has been significantly declining lately in their product quality and customer service practices. I won't go into all the reasons I believe this, lest I get sued.

However, here is one of the best (or worst) anecdotal stories I have ever heard in regards to customer service difficulty with a computer company. And the company in this case does happen to be Dell.

This is a true story from someone I know who tried to purchase a Dell Laptop recently, told in his own words:

Why I Love Dell

So I decide that I should buy a new notebook computer. Well my computer at work is a Dell and it's worked well for me so I decide to check out their web site. Sure enough I see a notebook there that is a nice value so I decide to buy it. And thus started the single worst consumer purchase experience of my life.

I bought the notebook on the Dell web site and everything seemed to be fine. UPS was to deliver the package in about a week. The week went by while I anticipated getting my new notebook. Then the day came for the delivery. But since I wasn't home, UPS left one of their little yellow slips telling me that they would be back tomorrow. Knowing that I needed to be at work the next day, I called UPS and asked if they could deliver it in the evening or on the weekend, no such luck. So then I asked if they could deliver it to the UPS Store just down the road from my house to which they said they could do IF I were to rent a mailbox there. To get the package that I had already paid for, I had to take off time from work and drive to the UPS facility several miles from my work. Fine.

So finally, I have my new notebook. I get home, open the box, take out my notebook, plug in the AC adapter, power it up, the power light comes on, the hard drive light start flashing, the Windows splash screen comes up, and then ... nothing. The screen just goes black. Black as the night. Dead. So I wait for about 5 minutes thinking that it must be initializing or something. Still nothing. So I reboot the notebook. Power light, hard drive light, Windows splash screen, and then black.

So I call the Dell customer service phone line. An automated voice system answers and says something like "Welcome to the Dell customer service line. If you have a question about your delivery, please say 'one'. If you have a question about your billing statement, please say 'two'..." Etc, until I finally get to the option that I need. So I say "four" and the system says "I heard you say 'five', if that's right please say 'yes'". So I say "NO" and go through the list again! Then I get to the "have you tried this and that" and "you can check our web site for common errors" automated recording levels of the menu. After about 5 menu layers, I finally get to the point where I can ask to speak to a human being.

I wait about 10 minutes while a pre-recorded voice tells me how valuable my call is to them. Finally someone with a thick accent comes on and steps me through rebooting my PC (like I don't know to do that). I can tell he's just reading from a script. But I know I need to play along so I do. I reboot and you guessed it: Windows splash screen and then black. Next he wants me to remove and reinstall the battery pack. Something about static build-up during transit. I ask him if there's something wrong with the battery, then why did it even start the boot process. He doesn't know, but asks me to try it anyway. So I power down, remove the battery, wait a couple of minutes like he says, put it back in, reboot. As you can guess, Windows splash screen and then black. He says there must be something wrong with the hard drive and so they'll send me a new one. I swear, he says "Sir may I have your address" so I give him my street address and wait for him to say "okay" or something. He says "Sir? Hello? Sir? Are you still there?" and then the line goes dead!

So I have to call up the Dell customer service line again. And dig my way through the automated voice menu system again! After about 10 more minutes, I get to another human being. I tell him what had transpired, but he didn't care. He just wanted to go through the script again from the top. So I reboot again! Windows splash screen ... black. Then he wants to check something in BIOS. So I reboot again and go into the BIOS. He decides that some setting there needed to be changed. So he steps me through changing it. Then I reboot again, Windows splash screen ... black. So he decides that I need to return the notebook. I think he's right. So he gives me an incident number. I have to have him repeat it about three times, because the accent is pretty thick. So then he says he has to connect me to someone in returns. I hear music for about two minutes and then no music. I wait. Still no music. I still wait. After about five minutes, the line goes dead!

So I have to call up the Dell customer service line again. And dig my way through the automated voice menu again. After about 10 more minutes, I get to a third human. I give her the incident number, there's about pause for a while. Then she says that no such incident number exists in the system. So she starts up the "customer service" from scratch. I tell her what the other two guys tried and ended up thinking. She's not really interested. So she starts the script from the top. Reboot again! Windows splash screen ... black. She then has me run another diagnostic report that takes about 15 minutes to run. She says according to the report, everything is okay! But of course I insist that the screen is black. So she gives me another incident number and says she needs to transfer me to someone in returns.

I hear music for about two minutes and then someone answers the phone! This time the person has an American accent. So I think things will go smoother. WRONG! This person is just as lost and now I get the bonus of rudeness! She says, "So you want to return your notebook? Well the postage and handling fees will be..." I say, "Wait! Why do I have to pay postage when YOU guys mailed me a paperweight." She says "According to this incident report, it says that the screen isn't light enough for you. Since the system works, you have to pay for the return." I'm thinking Holy $%*! I say, "But the system doesn't work. The screen isn't a little dark. It's pitch black, dead! The notebook won't even boot!" She says, "Well that's not what the incident report says here." Now I'm thinking Holy Fing $%*! So I say, "Well then change what the report says." She says her computer system won't allow her to do that. I say, "Then override it". She says she can't. So I say, "Then find your supervisor and have him override it. It's an authority thing. Just find someone with the proper authority." She says she can't do that. So I say, "Fine. Transfer me to your supervisor and I'll talk to him". She says, "My supervisor isn't here". I say, "There's no one in charge?" She says, "My supervisor isn't here". I say, "Fine. You're at some call center and your boss is somewhere else, just give me his number and I'll call them." She says she can't do that. I say, "Fine. Just transfer my call to him then". She says she can't do that. I say, "You've got a boss somewhere and I want to talk to him." She says "Fine." I hear music for about 20 seconds and then the line goes dead!!

So I have to call up the Dell customer service line ... again. And dig my way through the automated voice menu ... again. After about 10 more minutes, I get to another human. He has me reboot ... again. Windows splash screen ... black ... again. He has me run another diagnostic test that is different from the pervious one that I had already run. He says he doesn't know what the issue is but that we need to mail the notebook to their service center and that they can fix it. So at this point my will to fight is draining fast so I say okay. He says he'll send me a box to put the notebook in and includes the DHL deliver information and the delivery is paid for.

So after a couple of days, I get the box. I put the notebook in the box and call DHL and schedule a pick up at my work. The afternoon that they're supposed to pick up the box comes ... and goes. So I call the next day and they say that their driver had too much to pick up so he skipped me. I think "Fine. But why didn't you call to tell me?" But at this point I don't fight it. I just confirm with them that they're coming later that afternoon. And they do and the take the Fing $%*! thing away and I don't have to fight with it anymore and someone will fix it. Oh, happy day!

A week goes by. And then I get a call at work from my son saying that some delivered a box from Dell (fortunately he was at home and could sign for it). It's my notebook back from the service center. When I get home, I open the box, plug in the AC adapter, power on the system, the power light comes on, the hard drive light starts to flash, the Windows Splash screen comes up and then .... BLACK!!! I read the enclosed repair invoice and is says that all they did was to reset the BIOS back to the default settings!

So I have to call up the Dell customer service line ... again. And dig my way through the automated voice menu ... again. After about 10 more minutes, I get to another human. This time I have the service center invoice number to prove that someone tried to fix it. So he tells me to put the notebook back into the service center box in which it came and that he'll arrange for postage. He does. And I'm thankful that it's over at last! I mail the damn box and it's gone. YES! And that's why I love Dell.

Update #1:

When I purchased the notebook, Dell was giving a low interest financing offer that I thought was a good deal. So I signed up for it and used to pay for the notebook. A couple of weeks after I finally returned the notebook, I received a statement from Dell's finance group that listed the purchase and the return of the notebook, but it still had a balance of $45 that it said I owed them.

I called their customer service number and after being on hold for about 10 minutes and going through their automated telephone menu system, I got to talk to a human being. After I told him about the return and the outstanding balance, he put me on hold for about 5 minutes (while I assume he went to find out what to do from someone else). He finally came back and said that the extra charge was there because of shipping and handling on the return of the notebook!

I pointed out that the notebook was defective from the start. He said (in a boy-am-I-generous tone) something like "Alright then, I tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to waive these charges for you this time." Which was my first and last bit of good service from Dell.

Update #2:
About two weeks later I got an email from Dell asking me to fill out a customer satisfaction survey! :-)